


Aliens Like Rom-Coms

by AplusIsRoman



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Evil Scientists - Freeform, F/F, F/M, M/M, Same universe AU, Science Fiction, may continue someday, old
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 14:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6911371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AplusIsRoman/pseuds/AplusIsRoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A DaveKat central fic. Karkat is kidnapped from his home in Alternia and brought to a strange planet with hornless aliens. Dave goes exploring with his friends in the science lab that Jade's grandfather founded. What he finds seems like the set-up to a really bad YouTube series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

Karkat was having a shitty night. Not any shitty night: the *shittiest* night. No night had ever been or would ever be shittier, of this he was certain.

Even though that's what he said every night.

Back on topic though, one of the reasons for tonight being ESPECIALLY shitty was because he had been DITCHED. STOOD UP. He had specifically gone out to meet those assholes he called 'friends', and NO ONE SHOWED. He was certain that, somewhere, they were all chuckling at his expense and scheming to embarrass him again. Well they could all go fuck themselves, because like hell he was going to let them get away with this.

Fuming, Karkat stormed back towards his hive. It was starting to get light out, and as exhausted as he was, he wouldn't stand a chance against the undead that wandered about in the daylight. He'd leave that to Kanaya, thank you very much. He passed some of his friends' hives and glared at them as they glowered back.

Karkat went straight up to his respiteblock. Setting his bags down, he heard a strange noise from downstairs. What was his lusus up to now?!

Going down the stairs (carefully), he saw that his lusus was asleep. As he should be as well, if not for that awfully suspicious racket- the source of which was nowhere to be found. He didn't even question how Crabdad slept through it. Everything was just as he'd left it. Heck, there wasn't even too much shit to miss if it'd been a thief in the first place. Or maybe it'd been one of his friends, coming in for a last minute screw-you. 

That's what Karkat decided it must've been. If not, then oh well, he guessed he'd just have to deal with it when he woke up. AFTER the sun went down, preferably. He turned around to go back to his recuperacoon when he noticed a bit of white fog-like substance beginning to cover the floor. 

'What the actual fuck?' He thought. He caught a faint whiff of chemicals, and his eyes widened. He turned to try to run out of the hive- fuck the sun, this was more dangerous by far- but his limbs weren't cooperating. He tripped and lay sprawled out on the ground as his vision blurred. He saw a vague figure step out of the shadows just before he lost consciousness.

As if he needed more verification on the fact that this was the shittiest night ever.  
~(*-*)~  
Dave was having a great night. Not just any great night: the *greatest* night. No night ever had been or ever would be greater, of this he was certain. 

For years, Dave's only friends had basically been green, blue, and purple text on a screen. (It was actually pretty sad.) Only now they were people. REAL people, who laughed out loud and danced horribly and were having a sleepover for the FIRST time in ANY of their lives.

Yeah, tonight was awesome.

Dave, Jade, John, and Rose were all out on the roof, playing with sparklers. He was pretty sure it was illegal, but seriously, who cared if they set the neighborhood on fire? Literally the only way this could end badly would be if they got hit by a meteor that sent them all into a video game that had them die multiple, horrible deaths, lose everything they love, then be separated for three years until they're reunited in a sudden but final victory against a demon, a god, an empress, and multiple living chess pieces. But Dave was fairly certain that that was never going to happen or become relevant in any way, ever.

John laughed at a joke Jade had made, while Rose knitted a scarf that she said would be a thank-you gift to Dave's bro for letting them stay there. (Dave was 100% sure that it would be used on a regular basis for ironic reasons.) Dave smiled and drew a clock in the air with his sparkler as it fizzed out into nothing. 

Dave couldn't believe that he'd be spending his entire summer with these guys. All his life, the four had tried to get to visit each other, but one way or another, they were stopped. (Jade had to hire a personal jet to come to her island and pick her up just to get to the US!) This summer though, everything had just magically come out perfectly. How? Hell if he knew. Dave wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth though, per se.

A streak of orange light flashed across the sky. "A shooting star!" Jade gasped.

"A ball of ice a dust hurtling through space in an ellipse, yes." Rose's mouth twitched into a smile.

"Aww, I didn't see it." John complained.

"It's alright, there'll probably be more later or something." Dave patted his friend on the back sympathetically. "I'm sure you'll get your chance to sing Pinocchio." 

John laughed. "Haha, you wish. Maybe that wasn't a shooting star at all, though! Maybe it was an alien spaceship!"

"Psh, really, John?" Jade laughed. John shoved her playfully, and soon the rooftop erupted into an every-man-for-themselves tickle fight, with Dave at the mercy of a girl with a lot of pent-up energy from being cooped up on a single island her entire life. 

"Okay! Okay! I surrender! How did I even get involved in this?!" Dave breathed heavily, smiling slightly. 

The other three just laughed. Yes, tonight was the greatest, and anyone who thought otherwise could go suck it.


	2. Mazes and Button-pressing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade leads her friends to a lab good ol' Grandpa Harley helped make, and Karkat wakes up.

Bright lights woke Karkat. He blocked his face from the glaring sunlight. Wait, sunlight? How the fuck did he get outside?! He groggily remembered the events of the night before and groaned. He really wanted to make whoever did that pay, but he also really wanted to go back to sleep. The ground was hard and cold though, and so Karkat cautiously peeked through his fingers before removing his hand completely and sitting up.

He was indoors someplace, inside some giant containment tube from a shitty sci-fi movie. The room outside was considerably large, illuminated by glowing rods on the ceiling. Shelves of haphazardly organized scraps of paper and books covered the lower wall space, while the rest was filled with cabinets, each and every one of them locked with a password keypad. A large table stretched out on one side, with piles of paperwork, pencils, and strange mugs with words on them. A large swath of buttons were stretched out in front of the tube in which he was trapped.

Karkat punched the side of his prison and grit his teeth in pain. Alright, that didn't work. Maybe he could crack it with his claws? He'd seen it done before in a movie, where a meowbeast used his claws that way to retrieve a potion that would turn the main protagonist, a strange creature of fiction called an 'ogre', into the true matesprit of the heiress, who'd also gotten turned into an ogre in the previous movie. In the movie, lusii could talk and the meowbeast was trying to be moirails with the ogre to repay him for a debt while a miniature hoofbeast attempted to defend his pale relationship with the ogre. It was a pretty good movie that effectively portrayed the- holy shit was that Terezi?!

Karkat pressed his face up against the glass, rubbing away where his breath fogged it up. Two strange, pale, hornless aliens had come in, dragging the unconscious body of his friend. Her shirt was stained teal and- was that candy red?! Her glasses were nowhere to be found, and her clothes were tattered. Karkat banged his fist on the glass furiously and yelled incoherently, but the two aliens either didn't hear or didn't give a fuck. 

He watched helpless as his wrigglerhood flushcrush was dragged away to gog-knows-where. Would he even ever see her again? Would he ever see ANYONE again? Those strange creatures didn't exist on Alternia, so did that mean he'd left his home planet? Did the empress send them? Feferi would've warned him, wouldn't she? WOULDN'T SHE?!

His breath caught when he remembered that no one had shown up to meet him the night before. Had they ALL been caught like this? What if they'd known the aliens were coming and tried to fight them off? Maybe they'd told him to meet them so that he wouldn't get taken too! Gog, they could be dead and the last thing you'd have said to them would be something dumb and stupid. 

A few minutes later, the aliens reappeared. Their baby blue coats were stained with teal, and Terezi was nowhere to be seen. One of them glanced in Karkat's direction and his eyes widened. The alien said something to the other, who just nodded and walked off.

The remaining alien turned and walked towards Karkat's cage and looked at him intently, as if waiting for something. He- Karkat assumed he was male- had a kind of yellowish sandy colored skin, and dirt brown hair. His eyes were white instead of yellow, and he must've been an adult because he had blue circles around his pupils. The fact that an adult male highblooded alien had him trapped and helpless left Karkat a little more than frightened. Then it made him mad. Growling, Karkat leaped forward and pounced on the glass in front of the alien. Unfortunately, this didn't even dent it, but it made the alien jump back in surprise.

Karkat caressed his throbbing hand as the alien jotted something down in one of his little notebooks, then walked out of the room briskly. Karkat stuck his tongue out, even though he was pretty sure the alien couldn't see it. Unless they had 360 degree vision? He really had no way of knowing.

Karkat was still tired, but his heart was pounding too much to go back to sleep. He just hoped some of the spider8itch's luck had worn off on him.  
~(*-*)~  
Jade dragged Dave through the woods, insisting that it was a shortcut. When Dave protested, she retorted by telling him that technically this was HER lab out in the middle of nowhere that she'd never gotten to explore, so he could just go back home if he wanted to. Dave then replied that how on earth was she going to be safe if her valiant knight wasn't there to protect her from evil demon dogs with a potent loathing for frogs? Rose would then voice her opinions on Dave's sanity, John would laugh, and the conversation would end up going in circles. 

They did, eventually, reach their destination. A small clearing of grass had quite a lot of vehicles squished into one tiny space, and the building itself extended into the treeline. It was only one floor (that Dave could see) but it was *huge*. 

Jade let go of his arm and strolled confidently towards a side door. 

"Do you even have a key?" Dave asked. "I don't think they'll just let in a bunch of kids, even IF your grandpa made this place." 

"Nope!" Jade said. "But I DO have something better!"

"A crowbar?" Rose offered, amused.

"Haha, no!" Jade put her hand on a small square on the side of the wall, and the door opened with a soft 'pop!'. "I have the right DNA!"

"Holy shit." Dave murmured, walking in.

They seemed to be at the dead end of a hallway and began walking down. Every door seemed to lead to a new hallway. It almost seemed that there WERE no real rooms, if there weren't doors that were locked. And not in the everyone-but-Jade way, in the there's-a-fucking-padlock-on-that-door way. It was only about twenty minutes in that Dave realized they were hopelessly lost. He turned around to say so, only to see that he was alone. Scratch that, *he* was lost.

With increasing concern, he began to try to make his way back to the beginning, but he soon found that he was making circles when he ended back up in the *same* little break room that he'd been in before. Only now, it looked as though someone had visited. The coffee machine had been left on, and a small bundle of papers sat on the corner of the small table in the corner. On top of the pile was a key, which Dave took. Who knew? Might as well try a few new doors, maybe the others had figured out how to get through one. 

He stepped out into another hallway and went up to the first padlocked door that he saw. He put the key in and tried to turn it, but it didn't work. Not to be discouraged, he continued on to the next one, and the next one, and the next. He tried a new hallway. Another one. On the third hallway, the padlock clicked open, and Dave grinned. 

He pushed the door open cautiously, aware of the light coming from within. He peeked inside and saw no one, so he crept in and closed the door. When he turned around, he knew he'd made the right decision. 

'Now THIS looks like a high-tech science lab.' He thought. Vials of stuff sat on a desk in the corner, and an entire array of tempting-looking buttons was set out in front of a giant cylindrical see-through thingamabob. 

Dave's hand twitched eagerly as he walked over to them. They were all labeled in acronyms of stuff, like UU, TG, AC, and stuff like that. They were also color-coded it seemed. That wasn't what Dave was thinking, though.

'Ooh... so many pretty buttons! I wonder which one I should push first?' He grinned mischievously. Oh, how Rose would disapprove of this later on! 

A movement called Dave attention to the cylindrical-thingy though, and his head snapped up to meet the gaze of... something.

It /looked/ human, but it was definitely not. It wore human-looking clothes and had black hair, but it had gray skin and orange and black eyes. Little fangs poked out of its mouth, and small candy-corn looking horns sat atop its head. What the hell was this thing?!

It stared right back at Dave, squinting suspiciously. That, or the light hurt its eyes. Actually, the light was kind of starting to hurt Dave's eyes too, even with his shades. Who needed lights this bright anyway? 

One of the buttons- labeled AG- looked promising, and when he pushed it, the light dimmed to a considerably more bearable level. Dave looked back up at the thing and stared. 

Its eyes were glowing. Not like glow-in-the-dark stuff, (although he assumed it must've been something like that) but like tiny orange lanterns that illuminated the thing's face and revealed the fact that it had freckles. Like, LOTS of freckles. 

Dave must've been staring for too long, because the creature's stunned expression shifted to one of anger. It snarled at him, revealing two rows of sharp teeth that made sharks look like pillows. (Dave reminded himself to think of a better metaphor later.) The thing stood, and Dave realized that the inside of the tube's floor was raised, making the thing loom over him. He backed away, not sure how much the wall of the thing's cage would hold against it if it decided to attack. He also noticed that the thing's fingernails looked sharp enough to work as claws, which didn't necessarily help him.

"Well, this is it I suppose. I'm never going to see my family or friends again. Jade and John and Rose are going to find my remnants spread around this huge fucking building and take them back to Bro, who's going to throw me the most ironic funeral ever, and I'm never going to grow up to be a shitty world-famous movie producer that even shows up the totally unironically cool Micheal Bay himself, and I'm never going to attempt to overthrow an evil baking empire run by the ex-empress of an alien universe by cutting the heads off of the juggalo United States presidents, only to ultimately fail and die side-by-side with Rose, leaving my orphaned son who looks a lot like Bro to grow up isolated in Atlantis, Texas with only his robots for company, and at this point I have no fucking idea what I'm saying right now but-"  
~(*-*)~  
"Oh for the love of everything ever, SHUT THE FUCK UP." The small alien stopped his mumbling and stared at Karkat. He'd come in earlier, messed with some buttons, and then when he saw Karkat he'd started rambling away in his alien language. 

Some of the words Karkat somehow understood, although none of them actually really helped. Just things like "I", "empress", and "juggalo", which okay he supposed that kind of helped. So he was here because of HIC? Just his luck, he supposed. Or maybe because of the juggalos? Or maybe the alien was talking about Feferi and Gamzee? Fuck, he really wished he'd understood more of what the stupid alien wriggler had said, because now he was back to just staring at Karkat like he'd never seen a troll before. Which. He guessed. Was entirely possible.

Karkat growled under his breath. He had to come up with a plan. He doubted that the alien was supposed to be here, judging by the way he'd snuck in. Maybe he could get him to help him escape? He'd frightened the alien before, so maybe he could just do it again, if nothing else worked. For now, though, he didn't want maybe his only chance to run away.

The alien shuffled towards the door, and Karkat knew he had to try something now.

"Wait." He said. The light-haired alien hesitated looked back at him warily. Karkat pointed down to the buttons to see if he would understand. He knew that one of them must open up some door or something that could get him out, and the alien HAD managed to turn down the lights before, so maybe it understood the labels? It just looked like a bunch of random letters to him, but whatever. 

The alien seemed a little confused, but walked slowly towards him and pointed at the buttons, murmuring something Karkat didn't hear. Not that he'd probably understand, anyway. Karkat nodded.  
~(*-*)~  
Dave looked down at the buttons, pretending he didn't know what the thing was asking. Of course it would want out, Dave wouldn't want to be trapped in there either, but he also didn't exactly want to become monster chow. 

It seemed to assume that he knew what the buttons did, but to be honest any one of them might just explode a small third world country, so he'd decided to be more cautious than he had been before when his prankster gambit was at an all-time high. Best to leave the shenanigans to the Egberts. 

One of the buttons had a protective case over it, as if to make sure it wasn't accidentally pressed. Either this was the bomb button, or it was the 'release' button. Peeling off the case revealed a label of 'TC', as if that made any sense. Dave pressed the button.


End file.
